Decipher the Messages from the Physical Body

For me, this past week was one of being over-scheduled and over-loaded. I knew it before the week started, but gritted my teeth, got as organized as I could, and proceeded down the path of making my way through the week. Yes, I do preach about self-care, balance and being loving to ourselves. And yet, there are those times when I realize that somewhere in the process I lost control over the “balance” part of all of this. And it is precisely when I am in this predicament that I need to be most aware. I hadn’t planned it. Things just lined up all in one week and I figured I would be fine; I just had to get through the week and all the events in a good way. Yet, if there is one thing I have discovered, it is that once we know and ignore, the backlash can be quick and harsh. Wednesday morning as I leaned over to put on my sock, I felt the shift in my back. You know - that feeling that if you move just slightly your back might really stop working for you and give out. Yes, I felt my back give me the message, “You have loaded me down too much. I am giving you fair warning.”

I proceeded to work. I moved carefully. I sauntered slowly. I walked deliberately. I was aware of my body and what it needed. I carried less. I harried less. I accomplished less.  I sat in my sessions with my clients being present and aware of all the complexities of the moments. I was very aware. I made conscious decisions about where my effort would go. I came home at the end of the day and rested my back, my body, my mind, and my soul.

My back was on the mend the next day. But I wanted to remember the message in it for me.  Carry less, move slower, be deliberate in my choices.  I had placed too much of a load on myself and my back reminded me of this.  Our phyiscal body can often give us messages that relate back to our emotional health, so take the time to pay attention. Look for the symbolism in what is happening in your body and how it ties in to where you are emotionally. It’s not to say that the physical is an emotional issue – it is to say that if we ignore the emotional issues, the energy often ends up in our body causing a physical issue. So use the physical problems as a chance to look at what you need to address on an emotional level. Through the process you can learn more about yourself and be holistic in your self-care, taking care of your mind, body and soul.

The Monsters that Lurk Within

The other night I had the fun of being out in the Jacuzzi with my four-year-old granddaughter. We hadn’t been out there long when she grabbed me around the neck and landed herself on my lap.  I asked her what was going on and she said, “It is really dark out here. I am afraid of monsters.”  She went on to show me that the moonlight allowed for the shadows to dance on the wall behind us and she could make herself look like a monster. She arched her arms above me and showed me how the monster was ready to pounce on me, and then sat down quickly in my lap again.

It took me back to a time in my life when I had my own fear of monsters lurking in the darkness (and I was much older than four years old). I recalled how I would avoid being alone in the darkness in an effort to avoid whatever might be lurking in the dark. Along with the outer darkness, I also avoided the inner darkness, the darkness within myself, my own shadow self.  Our shadow is the monsters within ourselves. The shadow is those parts of ourselves that we want to disown, avoid, deny - all lurking within and out of sight, but still very present. It might be your anger, your shame, your compulsion. My shadow self was scary to me and I spent many of my years running from it (running from my authentic self). However, it is through embracing our shadow that we can embrace our whole self, our authentic self, and integrate our shadow side into who we are giving us power in how our shadow rears its ugly head.

As I sat with Madi and we discussed the monsters that we were afraid of, I shared the wise words of my own therapist from many years ago.  My therapist reassured me that looking at the dragon within would not be nearly as scary as avoiding the dragon. What we don’t look at, what we avoid, seems much bigger than when we look at it. So I told Madi, when faced with a monster, turn and look at the monster right in the eyes. Because then you will see that the monster isn’t so big and you need not be afraid. The monster will then become something you can handle so you will not have to run.

Looking at our shadow self involves looking at the parts of ourselves that we don’t want to see within ourselves. But to avoid the shadow is to let it be bigger in your life than it need be. And you give it more power than it should have. Someone once said, “What we can’t be with won’t let us be.”  Until we look within, face our shadow-self squarely in the eyes, the internal monster will frighten us and we will want to run. Facing all parts of ourselves, the dark and the light, allows us to embrace our whole self, our authentic self. 

“Reclaiming the parts of ourselves that we have relegated to the shadow is the most reliable path to actualizing all of our human potential.  Once befriended, our shadow becomes a divine map that -- when properly read and followed –reconnects us to the life we were meant to live and the people that we were meant to be.”  Debbie Ford. 

Ford coauthored the book, The Shadow Effect with Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson.  This would be a great reference if you want to learn more about facing your shadow. And in the meantime, if you find yourself avoiding a part of yourself that you are not happy with, sit down and spend some time with this part of yourself. Admit you carry this trait, which is the first step is depowering it from running your life. Begin to rein in the shadow side by embracing the shadow as part of who you are. Look your monster square in the eyes and give it a kiss.

Learning to Love Yourself, the Greatest Love of All

With the onslaught of tributes being made to Whitney Houston from across the world, the depth and breadth of Whitney’s impact can be found in the stories being told, the memories being recited, and the sound of the particular song being played that touched our heart. With Whitney’s death, I immediately went to her song, “The Greatest Love of All”.  And yes, I have played it over and over this morning.  And with the song and Whitney’s explicit voice ringing out the words, almost as if to blanket me with reassurance when I most needed it, comes the memory of what was going on in my life at the moment that I first heard the song.  And it further reminds me of how this difficult time in my life was impacted with Whitney’s pure voice, the words of the song becoming my touchstone, my life support. Because at this time, back in 1987, I had no clue how to love myself, nor did I realize there was real wisdom in the words. But the words rang of truth within me and I listened to the song during these tough times as I labored to birth myself, learn who I was, and begin to love this person – myself.

It saddens me to realize that Whitney has shown what I believe -- that the most difficult feat we have here on earth is learning to love ourselves.  Yes, it is through learning to love ourselves that we can find contentment and peace – the greatest love of all.  Sometimes I think it is the greatest secret of all, that if we learn to love ourselves, we will find the secret to happiness. But other times I realize that this feat, loving ourselves, is also the hardest feat so even if we know it is the secret to happiness, we struggle to conquer it. It is much harder to treat ourselves with the kindness and compassion we often find for others . . . we all loved Whitney and could see her goodness shining through. If only she could have seen it. Spend some time today reflecting upon your own goodness, sending yourself a morsel of love and gratitude for your own essence.  This may be the best tribute to Whitney and the world we can give.