Living Authentically

If there is one thing about myself that I sometimes wish I could change, it is my transparency.  Usually, with me, what you see is what you get.  This can be a strength and, at times, can feel like a weakness. The weakness comes from not being good at playing “the game”.  You might ask, “What game?” But, generally it is the game that people play when they aren’t being honest and direct, but have some inner motive to get what they want any way they can. It is the game being played to present a situation in one way, but really it is another way.  These games are precisely the reason people often hesitate to share their realness with others – as the sharing of “realness” can be used against them in hurtful ways when shared with the wrong people.

But there is strength, as well, in being real to the world. I opt to error on the side of “realness” even in the face of being hurt. It is through our authenticity that we present to the world who we are and how we access developing all that we can be.  Developing and becoming our fullest potential makes the most sense in how to live life.  If we aren’t working at becoming “all we can be” then what is the reason to live our lives? Brene’ Brown calls it Wholehearted Living.  She reminds us that when we struggle to be authentic and brave we also go against the grain and put ourselves and our work out in the world.  Some people are going to feel threatened and so then go after whatever will hurt us the most. 

I also like to remind myself that times of being hurt can feel very alone. But feeling alone can be the greatest gift of all. When we feel alone, we have to reach inside ourselves which is one of the best ways to learn how to stand on our own two feet and move forward to be authentic. So perhaps one of the lessons in living authentically is to be okay when we find ourselves in a vulnerable situation that someone used against us.  Part of stepping into authenticity is to be okay when others don’t like us or agree with us. I do believe that part of living authentically and stepping into acceptance and love of who we are, means standing our sacred ground. Brene’ Brown uses this mantra of “standing our sacred ground” and encourages us to remember not to be small so that other people are comfortable and not to throw up our armor as a way to protect ourselves.  Instead, step fully into who you are, and let your light beam far and wide – brighten the world.  Yes, there will be times when your openness sets you up to also get hurt. But hurt comes either way in life situations and relationships. I would rather be fully alive and have moments of pain because through the depths of pain I can also find the greatest heights of joy.

Is Living Without Conflict the True Goal?

I love the words of Donna Brazile, author and political commentator, who comments on “the bitch label” saying if everyone likes you, it probably means you aren’t saying much.” Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Donna-Braziles-Advice-for-Living-Without-Fear#ixzz1WuwvxKoF  I often ask women when they say they are “PMS-ing” or menopausal if they are just being more honest than ever before. Sometimes when we have less tolerance or don’t care so much about what other people think, we are apt to be more honest. It may not be the norm, but is it really such a bad thing if we are being more real?

So fess up – Are you one of those people that really prefer to have no conflict even if it means not saying how you really feel? Not wanting conflict is certainly understandable, maybe even admirable. We all like to live our days peacefully. But it may serve you to question if that is really the right thing. To avoid conflict means that you have to acquiesce to others in the name of keeping the peace. And just because you say nothing regarding you own feelings about a situation doesn’t mean that you have released it and let it go. If you were to really be honest with yourself, it probably means, more likely, that that you are a bit more frustrated and irritable towards the person and holding resentment about the situation or the person or both. So in essence, you lose and the other person loses because even if the other person isn’t aware of it, your choice to be “conflict free” meant that the other person was not give the chance to hear your thoughts and consider your suggestions in the situation. And these are opportunities to bring about closer relationships. Being authentic means giving your part to the person or situation. If you are just a “yes” person, you really don’t bring much to the table. We all have something to bring to the table. If we aren’t bringing our part we let ourselves down and we let others down. We have to step out in voicing it and letting others know. If we haven’t at least done that we haven’t really begun to share who we are.  So this week, make it a point to be voicing your true feelings and thoughts to others. Add color to the situation by adding your part. You will find living with color is a lot more fun.